Its Not You, Its Me Why Youre Not Getting Hired or Promoted

Its Not You, Its Me Why Youre Not Getting Hired or Promoted Whether its not hearing back about the job for which you applied, being politely turned down after an interview, or being passed over for promotion, rejection hurts.It would be understandableto get angry, depressed, and/or apathetic about it. Eventually, youll move on.Or, you could reflect on the situation to analyze why you were rejected.This is the harder path, but it is much more therapeutic and increases your odds of success for the next time.Letssay you applied for a job. You wereone of five candidates out of 200 applications to get to the interview stage. All five of you are qualified to do the job, or you wouldnt have made the cut. What variable separated the winner from the rest of you? It welches probably soft skills.According to astudy from Harvard University, the Carnegie Foundation, and Stanford Research Center, well-developed soft skills account for 85 percent of job success. Har d skills account for the remaining 15 percent. Broadlydefined as interpersonal skills such as the ability to communicate well with other people and to work on a team, soft skills were first formalized by John P. Fry and Paul G. Whitmore in a 1974 report on leadership research in the U.S. Army.What counts as asoft skill varies depending on whom you ask, but a list published in 2012 by researcher Marcel M. Robles does a good job of summarizing some of the most valuable onesCommunicationspeaking, writing, presentation, and listening skillsCourtesymanners, (business) etiquette, graciousnessFlexibilityadaptability, willingness to change,teachability, adjustabilityIntegrityhonesty, morality, doing whats rightInterpersonal skillssociability, a sense of humor, friendliness, empathy, patiencePositive attitudeoptimism, enthusiasm, confidenceProfessionalismpoise, business-appropriate appearance and behaviorResponsibilityaccountability, reliability, resourcefulness, self-discipline, common sens eTeam workcooperativeness, supportiveness,collaboration,Work ethicloyalty, working hard, taking initiative, self-motivation, showing up on time.Some of these qualities are quite subjective, such as being businesslike or adaptable. Others are more objective, such as taking the initiative and showing up on time. Can you perfect all of them? No. Nobodys perfect.If you think you are, then lets add humility to this list.How can you improve your soft skills? Its the same as getting to Carnegie Hall practice Volunteering, interning, running a blog, tutoring, mentoring, and joining a professional association are all good ways to practice these soft skills, especially those that relate directly to interpersonal communication. For the balance follow the Golden Rule, be well groomed, dress well, manage your time, keep a calendar, and, the easiest of all, set your alarm clockIts hard to landsee ourselves as others see us, so consider asking trusted friends, colleagues, family members, and boss es for feedback on where your soft skills are strong and where they need improvement. People like to help each other out, and theyll likely be flattered you asked.Your education and experiences will get you noticed, but your soft skills will get you hired.Employers know what they want. They hold all the cards. Theyre in the drivers seat. You cant fight city hall. Enough metaphors? The truth is that you must fit intotheirexpectations.Be accountable and realize that when it comes to soft skills, its you, not them. Fix what needs fixing.Ferris Kaplan is founder ofBest of You Resumes.